It says that I need updates, but it will not let me click on "update". I don't know what to do, because I'm sure I need these updates... Would this have something to do with the fact that I have dial-up?
If the link to check for updates is non-functional, then it is a good bet that you are actually receiving a download in the background. If a large update is being downloaded and you close the Internet connection, OneCare stupidly marks this as a failed update and you will go to red status with an error about updates. The download will continue when you next connect, but you will be in red status until it updates.